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March 12, 2010
Creative Writing Department
123 New York Bestseller Avenue
Crazy, State of Mind, 99999
Re: Recent cancellation of services
Dear Mr. or Ms. MoJo:
Let me begin by thanking you for the wonderful service I have received from your company
in months and years past. I would also like to commend the staff of your Consumer Editing team
for their tireless efforts in reviewing my work, long into the wee hours of night and well after
I have retired for the evening. The Instant Messages I receive from that team are top rate!
I am amazed at their dedication to detail and ability to locate me at 3 a.m. in the middle
of deserted beach dreams. I have started to keep a small tablet on my bedside table to record
our late night communications in an effort to remember them more accurately.
My concern and reason for writing today is the sudden and unexplained termination of services.
I checked my last statement and see that I am paid in full through the end of the month.
If you refer to billing statement 12445, I paid in advance by drinking twice the recommended
amount of coffee, eating extra bowls of chocolate-chocolate chunk ice cream, and finishing
a bag of stale Doritos, nacho cheese flavor.
I spoke with Ms. Ima Reck in your Customer Relations Department on Tuesday of last week.
She assured me that several days of timed writing exercises and a glass or two of cheap red wine
should restore my MoJo, but as of today, I am still without creative energy.
Truth be told, I have looked everywhere and cannot find the initial operating instructions that
were sent to me when I signed up for your product advertized on the QVC channel: A Writer’s Life.
I was able to locate the promotional materials that came with the product, including the
sample story that begins, “It was a dark and stormy night,” but I cannot find the instructions
that document how to restart my own creative spirit. I have looked in various style books,
on cable access writing shows, in coffee shops, and finally, in desperation, at a local tavern.
Happy Hour aside, I have found little relief. Please refer to the attached writing sample that
I have enclosed for your perusal.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I eagerly await your response and would appreciate
any help you may be able to provide. In the meantime, you may wish to contact me in the
junk food aisle of the Safeway in downtown Hilo or at home where I spend my days wallowing
in quiet desperation.
Timed Writing, Piper Selden
Blah... blah… aouakjnhepoirhaponf;iehfponfjpoifhoanf;ajofina;slefjoasjenf;ljasoenf;lasjfoias’d;
lkaneojanfj leof… Chocolate… poiaej;rkahepfj;lasej[ojlsejpi;ajepoja;lkenijslk;dj… Cookies….
fknsjeofijl;k… HELP!... paihephnkhapiojekjnopialkjeoijalsk;enopije;lknopisnknopij… Wine… poai3ph
aehiuhaw;kehnpoishekjn;isejkjn… another glass… ijpienpoijeojl;kjpoij pijpoin pijphnknpihj;lnpoij;
naiejproihaekn;khepiojaek;jnpoijskn;hnpoijna… MoJo?... pnpoiakneoijia;lkejpopqiejponweihjpoianwek
njpihesnkjehi… Are you there?... iqwe;hpiaehkjns epih;kenihnk… don’t get on the scale this week…
iuhlkfnodfjanfepqenjkhpiefakenposjdlma’spoeilmasehpi jhpqoiepoh…. And a little more wine…