People express grief in different ways. I'm cleaning house.
I'm cleaning for emotional reasons. Cleaning my life, my body, my house. Clean, I gotta get it clean. Gotta work. Gotta have something positive and fresh and clean come from this grief. Otherwise it will drag me down into the deep, dark pool. And I don't plan on drowning today. And so, I will clean.
I know I'm being melodramatic, but I wore black today. I feel justified because I am truly mourning. Earlier today, I met up with a friend for lunch. She was also in black.
Many of us wear our grief--in a color of dress or less visibly, in our hearts.
Go inside! I tell myself. Go back to the beginning. Find the truth and beauty that speaks beyond this grief and into the wonder of a new day. Clean house--all of it. See what works and fix what doesn't. Rest. Breathe. Study. Play. Eat some veggies. Drink some water. Step outside, nature is pure and intoxicating. Hug my kids. Get outside my head and into the light.
Black is a good color to wear when you clean. The dirt and grime doesn't show. Starting in one corner, starting today, I'm cleaning and praying for peace. I'm cleaning for the future of our country. Peace is possible. I refuse to think otherwise.
Tomorrow I wear something bright!