I am taking a few days off this week. If you need me, I'll be in the kitchen, tending a pot of soul sickness soup.
It's a bit of a mess over here, but I've got the fans on, so it's not too bad. Plus, I have a bunch of books, snacks, my people, and an awesome cat. She's not even judging me.
What's on my mental stove? It's a stew of sorts, a fever dream of ingredients--mostly mental frustration, exhaustion, and rage--that I set to simmer some time ago and apparently forgot on a back burner of my psyche. I'm not even sure how long it's been there, bubbling away.
You know what happens when you let something simmer for too long, right? Flavors concentrate and intensify. Individual items get mushy, especially the delicate bits, and textures get weird. Eventually, everything dries out, leaving things tough or worse... completely burned out. That's me.
I know what I need to do to reconstitute my soup of self. I need to get my mindset right, remembering who I am and what brings me joy. For the past two weeks and at any given moment, I roll between sadness, irritation, a flat plane of nothingness, and (that word again) rage. I know myself well enough to understand this will take a bit of time, but it doesn't make the cleanup any easier.
Funny (not) that one seemingly small disappointment at work pushed me over the edge.
But maybe it's not so strange. Yes, it's that one seemingly small disappointment, that last straw for the camel, that final thing added to an already full, boiling pot of soup that causes it to spill over onto a hot surface. That's how it happens.
So what now? I've got this sticky mess to contend with, one of my own making. (The worst!)
I let things bubble over inside, and I own that. I also understand that I need to clean myself up before I can effectively "people."
I will need to pretreat the fabric of myself and then pop my whole human suit in the wash. I'm using the express setting, though (self-care and talking to my therapist today), so I should be better soon.
But before ANY of that happens, I have dragons to slay (Rebecca Yarros books), naps to take, and a cat to pet. I need to build up some mental energy for the cleanup job on Aisle 9. The Pisces in me is planning (procrastinating) that job for tomorrow. Feel free to "drop by" with a text or comment here, but Thursday will be a solid spiritwork day. If it's Thursday, maybe bring your own heavy-duty dish gloves. A mop and bucket wouldn't hurt either. 🥣 👎 🥣 👎 🥣 👎
PS: Soul Sickness is a terrible recipe. Time-consuming and ultimately disappointing. Zero stars and a thumbs down.
PPS: Rage stains are a bitch to remove. Go get some Dawn Platinum Powerwash. That shit works.
PPPS: This is not a sponsored post, but feel free to Cash App me some love. No Bitcoin or $Trump crypto coins. I have standards.
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